Well, the real question would be do you have a Crunchy or do you have a Charles. The C conundrum comes from dueling personalities found in bigger dogs like Labs or Golden Retrievers.
This is a Crunchy:
Notice the slack jaw, the vacant look in the eyes, the mind that seems to scream “oh boy, walkies!” This, my friend, is a Crunchy. This dog spares no expense to poke his nose where food may be present, bark at a moving body, and is just kind of dumb (in an adorable way, of course). You often see them in cars in the Target parking lot, going crazy everytime someone walks past, taking you by surprise so your heart hurts for like 3 minutes because you thought there was some type of monster behind you, releasing a war-call right before he mounted you and ripped your head off your shoulders with his (yes, HIS) giant mouth full of 4 rows of razor-sharps…or something like that. But yeah, they like to bark absently; I think that was where I was going.
This is a Charles:
He is what we might call a “Blue-Blood.” Charles has years of obedience school under his fluffy canine belt, and wouldn’t dare bark at anything other than a duck his stern owner is hunting. Charles is well-mannered and well-groomed. A Charles would never be left alone in the car, because any owner of a Charles knows he can take care of the empty house. Take care of it in his majestic and regal ways, intertwined in his golden locks of fur, so soft it’s as though the gods themselves have handed down this magical and enchanting coat. Although deep down, I think every Charles wants to be a Crunchy. Even in the dog world: Ignorance is bliss.
Why bring up this battle of the C’s? Well on my recent 10 mile run it was BORING, but I came across 2 Crunchies, therefore making that off-the-cuff barking the highlight of my run. Once we (John and I…well, John really. I’m latching on for comedy’s sake) made this Crunchy/Charles analogy, all I can do is mentally label every dog I see, even before they move or bark. But the thing is, Crunchies always give it away with their big stupid eyes. And I don’t mean their eyes are stupid, I mean through their eyes you can tell they’re just dumb dogs. Loveable, yes. Dumb, absolutely.
Saturday, 10 miles, 2pm, SUNNY, and the sidewalks were as clear as the day was sunny (redundant?)
I was pretty excited to start this run, oddly enough. I feel like I had a major breakthrough last week during my 8 mile run (even with the post-run 2 hours of shaky legs), and I was curious to see how it would trickle into the rest of my runs. Well, I’m happy to say I knocked it out of the park! I wasn’t excited for the route I chose, because it had a lot of…redundancies (sorry, I’ve already over used the word, haven’t I?). I had a 1 mile stretch and a 2.5 mile loop. So what did I do with this? I ran the 1 mile down and back (2 miles). Then I ran halfway down the mile stretch and came back (up to 3 miles). I ran the loop, bringing me up to 5.5 miles, and taking me past where I started, where I had strategically placed an almost-empty Gatorade and water bottle in my hot sun-filled car parked on the street. I know what you’re thinking and yes, I should work for the special services. Then back to the mile stretch and back (up to 7.5 miles) and then finished it up with the 2.5 mile loop (10 miles). But the thing was, as awful as that planning was for the run, I felt great again!
I didn’t feel tired throughout the whole thing (endurance HO!), and I even had enough gall to push myself during the last loop. Normally during my long runs I never EVER try to push myself in the speed department, because, hey, I’m already running a long distance, shouldn’t I just be happy with that? Well during this run I was not satisfied with the distance, and I manned up, and accelerated my speed. It wasn’t like I was zooming along, but I was definitely at a healthy “trot.” Well, the town of Munster, Indiana is completely flat. Which at first glance seems like a runner’s dream, but my god, nothing to look at AND no change in elevation, yiikes. So I’m running along, looking at…nothing, and MONSTER ATTACK! That heart piercing Crunchy bark comes at me from nowhere. And the thing is, Crunchy and Crunchy owner were not only across the street, they were about 200 ft in front of me. SO FAR AWAY. Oh Crunchy, so eager to bark at me, yet too dopy to know what to do about it. Even though I had a mini heart attack (I kept my composure though. And you best believe that if I saw a Charles I would be very conscious of my form, because deep down, we all want to impress the Charles’ of the world) I still wanted to play with Crunchy, because they make the best playmates. I also saw a broken toilet on the side of the road. I really want to know the story behind that.
Now Laddie, from The Simpsons, is the picture-perfect Charles. If I saw him while I was running you better believe I'd check myself and my form, I mean, I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of LADDIE!
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